The New Strong-Willed Child Multimedia CD Author: Visit Amazon's James C Dobson Page | Language: English | ISBN:
B009CV5HEM | Format: PDF
The New Strong-Willed Child Multimedia CD Description
- CD-ROM
- Publisher: Tyndale Momentum (July 1, 2004)
- Language: English
- ASIN: B009CV5HEM
I have the older edition of this book; I absolutely love it. I re-read it every few years because there are so many ideas in it that I will forget the ones I do not immediately need--thus the need for review as my children grow and change.
Spanking is advocated, but there are so much more to this book that a parent who does not believe in spanking--and is a reasonable person who understands that other good parents do use spanking--could read this book and take much out of it.
For one, the book is short. There isn't enough time once the children are here to read a huge tome. This book is brief enough, you can high-light what you like and come back and read all of the high-lighted parts in three hours, for a refresher.
Secondly, Dobson advocates spanking only for specific behavior under specific circumstances. Namely, he advocates spanking for outright defiance--if you are certain it is defiance and not over-hungry child or something your child cannot do, etc.
If you were to spank as a last resort, you would be frustrated and possibly out of control. Instead, he suggests you spank the instant the willful defiance rears it ugly head. Take the child aside, explain why he is being punished, spank him on his bottom, and then offer comfort.
(He also believes this only works for young children and that doing it to older children not only doesn't work, it backfires and is unhealthy. However, reasoning with a very young child is a waste of breath; their minds are not developed enough to reason with--this is scientific fact. And when your 3 year old will not sit in time out or he kicks the walls in his room and throws things when sent there--then what? You loose the battle or you need another parenting tool or you loose your cool.
I distinctly remember reading the first edition of Dr. James Dobson's THE STRONG-WILLED CHILD. I was desperate. My first son was not sleeping through the night, was eating nothing but mashed bananas, and was not obeying. The kicker: He would look at me, grin wildly and defiantly dump his entire toy box after I told him, "No."
Cajoling, negotiating, threatening --- nothing worked to get this kid to do something he didn't want to do. I was taller and stronger and, at least in my mind, smarter, but I became stupid and turned to mush when it came to him. It was a battle of wills, and he was winning.
I admit it. I was one of those mothers who would start out sweet and soft-spoken, telling my son kindly, "No, Sean. No, Sean. No, Sean" --- only to switch gears and yell, "SEAN NOOOOO!!!" seconds later. The result: He still blissfully ignored me.
Friends and family began pushing parenting books at me. Thankfully, THE STRONG-WILLED CHILD was one of them. I read and tried to absorb everything. Dobson advocated spanking. Yikes. What would my Baby-Boomer friends think of me? We were spanked and seemed none worse for the experience, but...
Dobson's arguments favoring discipline, structure and routines made so much sense --- especially in light of the chaos I was wreaking, placing such a high premium on reasoning with a 2-foot high toddler, as I was. His style is encouraging. I remember thinking, "I'm doing EVERYTHING wrong, but there's hope." But then again, reading "The temperaments of children tend to reflect those of their parents" made me remember my mother's words (under duress) to me: I hope you have a child just like you.
I took Dobson's advice, feeling empowered, balancing love with discipline, and to my relief, things around here started to improve.
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